Loosen the Reins

Yesterday, I was in a dressage lesson.
For those who don’t know, dressage is a type of equestrian sport, basically, the one where it looks like the horse is dancing. You know what I’m talking about, elegant, precise, almost effortless… when it’s done well. Haha!

Anyway, my trainer had me drop my stirrups and then pick them back up. Simple enough, right? Except every time I did it, my horse slowed down. Like, really slowed down. I was still pressing with my leg  thinking I was doing everything “right.” So I asked her why.

She said, “You’re tensing up.”
Oof. That landed.

Because isn’t that what we all do?
We feel something shift , a challenge, a pivot we didn’t plan, and our instinct is to tighten up, brace for impact, control the outcome. But in doing that, we actually slow ourselves down.

When we resist what’s in front of us, whether it’s a client changing direction or a season in life that’s just plain hard, progress becomes harder. And our bodies feel it too. The sore neck, the achy lower back, the clenched jaw… all telltale signs of trying too hard to force the moment instead of flowing with it.

It turns out there’s actual data behind this idea.
A study from the University of California, Berkeley found that people who approach stress with psychological flexibility are 23% more likely to reach their goals and 30% more likely to report higher life satisfaction. Another study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology showed that when people consciously relax during high-pressure tasks, their performance improves by up to 45%.

Let’s be honest, in life things rarely go exactly as planned. Timelines shift. People pivot. But the ones who succeed are the ones who don’t fight the rhythm. They learn to breathe, adjust, and keep moving forward tension-free.

So the next time your “horse” slows down, maybe it’s not the horse. Maybe it’s you, tensing against what’s already happening. Just relax, you might actually find your stride again.